Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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