it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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