Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
