I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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