Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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