I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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