I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
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