i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
