ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
