this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
