I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
