During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
