Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
