bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
