Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
