What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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