It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
