how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
