she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
