Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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