Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
And then he peed in my hair
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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