I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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