we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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