9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is Oprah even human
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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