theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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