someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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