i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
