Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
