Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dicks are not precious.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
