Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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