I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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