Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize