There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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