Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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