I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
