I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
