I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Come on in and take your pants off
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