Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
