I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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