why didn't you poke me back
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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