If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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