Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
