The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
