Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
