Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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