one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
