dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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