She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
