Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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