Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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