I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
