He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
