I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
