I'm really into asian looking animals
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You are the jesus of drinking
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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