apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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