How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
