So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
