so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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