I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
