Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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