Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm just crazy horny about you
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
