You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
