I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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