Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
