Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
