Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
