I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
