i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
