Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize