I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
