Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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