Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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