i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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