She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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