Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
