FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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