OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize